things they don’t tell you about pregnancy, part deux
Time for the second trimester edition of “TTDTYAP” subtitled “Because you certainly would never have children if you knew.”
We’re rolling into week 24ish and discovering all sorts of new things.
1. Urinating blood may mean absolutely nothing. Of course it could mean bladder cancer or kidney stones. But if you’re me, it means that the baby is CRUSHING YOUR KIDNEYS. Yes, you heard that right. The pressure is so intense that kidneys can’t handle it. On the ultrasound emergency ultrasound at midnight my poor ks looked like little black pancakes. The good news is that, as your uterus moves up, the pressure will release off your lower organs. Then it starts to put pressure on your lungs so you can’t breathe. Awesome.
2. Babies are parasitic. Two things I learned, one from my nurse M-i-L and one from Kolmes, a biologist who stopped me in the hall yesterday to give me the scoop on a paper he wrote about prenatal environmental toxicology. Nurse Cindy told me that babies get the first round of food to hit your stomach. You get whatever is left over. I encourage you to use this to your advantage. “This cookie is for the babe. THIS cookie is for me.” Kolmes told me that if you don’t get enough calcium your vampire baby will simply suck it out of your bones. It was much more technical than that, but you get the drift.
3. Don’t touch anything that’s not made of sand, metal or wood. So Kolmes finds out I’m pregnant and the following conversation ensues:
“Do you use Teflon?”
“No, stainless steel.”
“Good. Have you thrown away your Nalgenes? Did you see the new BCP report?”
“Yes, I’ve been drinking out of a Mason jar. Plastic has always freaked me out.”
“Good. Watch out for baby bottles and formula lining too. Are you eating organic? Pesticides cause birth defects.”
“Yes, have for a long time.”
His advice was to avoid anything that didn’t directly fall from the creative hand of God. This may be impossible to do (have you seen how much organic mattresses cost!?) but we’re doing our best to avoid environmental factors that contribute to birth defect. You can read Kolmes’ full text in some upcoming edition of the Journal of Catholic Social Teaching (it’s currently under review). Or see the equally unnerving Having Faith by Sandra Steingraber.
4. Potentially the baby will kick you in the bladder. All the time.
5. Another fun avoidance of everyday things entry: it’s recommended you stand no less than 4 feet from a microwave that is microwaving.
6. As Lisa pointed out, ultrasound dates get less accurate as time goes on. But, with your first child, it’s better to plan on being pregnant a week longer than you expect. I’ve read that most first babies born to white women come at 41 weeks and 1 day. If you care about having an intervention-less childbirth, make sure you talk about this reality with your OB or midwife upfront. They recently tried to induce my friend Andi before she even hit 40 weeks. Sheesh. Our plan is to simply forget our Estimated Due Date (EDD). This is surprisingly easy to do. We just tell people, “sometime in August.”
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: baby, pregnancy
I’ve heard that about the calcium — it used to be a saying that a woman would lose a tooth for every child she bore. Fun, huh? And, fwiw, taking calcium tablets would keep leg cramps at bay, both for me and my sister-in-law. She had to take 2-3 tabs every day or she’d have horrible leg cramps in the middle of the night; I usually forgot until I had a killer leg cramp and then I’d take a couple every night for a while.
Oooo…put the leg cramps on the list! Yeah, those are bad! I was just thinking about those the other day as I pointed my toes to stretch - I almost stopped myself but then I remembered that I’m not pregnant and that wasn’t going to cause excruciating pain. But look at that sweet little baby with the furry eyebrows! I’d sign up for it all again in a heartbeat!