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It’s what has become a normal day here at the Flo-Bix-in-the-Bix home. Jacob helped the baby when she woke up while I brushed my teeth. He’s eating breakfast and watching the BBC now and is about to go back downstairs to scan craigslist, idealist, and opportunityknocks for jobs. He’ll call the three temp agencies to check in and they will tell him, “nothing today.”
I will memorize GRE words (“prestidigitation” sleight of hand. “quiessence” satiated.) I will stay close to the computer in case any papers come in for me to edit. I’ll go for a run while the baby sleeps, play with the baby when she wakes. Every once in a while I’ll feel like I need to get a job and I’ll do the scanning.
I’m feeling a strange sense of calm about our current situation. A few weeks back I found myself fighting back panic every time I looked at Scout. But now I just feel peace. I know the Lord will take care of us and that all our needs will be met. I’m not sure why I’m feeling this way. Maybe it’s the abundance of grace I’ve seen in many of our friends’ lives. Maybe it was finding out that Lisa’s daughter has the relatively minor genetic abnormality of Down Syndrome. Maybe it’s the way my parents have taken such good care of us. Maybe it’s the safe and healthy birth of our friend Rebecca’s baby. Regardless of all else, our car not selling, Jacob having a hard time getting a job, me feeling a bit lost in my current inbetweenness, I know that we will be cared for.
That doesn’t, however, stop me from feeling a bit impatient for some curtains to rise. There are so many options out there and we could end up anywhere doing anything. I don’t like feeling like I’m just floating out here. I’d like to be involved in local politics, to find a place to grow some of our own food. I’m also feeling to itch to start the foster/adoption procedure. What all of this has in common – a regular source of income and a permanent residence. I’m also anxious to get out of the suburbs.
Until then, it’s a deep breath, a few round of itsy-bitsy-spider, and the definitions of “quaff” and “vituperous.”
Our friend Phil was released from custody of the Egyptian police earlier this week. He was held for four days of interrogation, blindfolded for 100 hours. We were so excited when he was released back to his apartment, quite suddenly and with no charges. I was happiest to have Phil out of detainment but also very happy to not have to organize another protest in DC. You just never know how the baby will do and DC is a good hike out from Manassas. It sounded like the mounting pressure (protests in San Fran, London, Chicago, DC, Cairo) contributed in some way to Phil’s release. I am sad, though, that I will never be issued a visa to Egypt. Ever. Sigh.
It was pretty intense to have someone we know be “disappeared.” It’s something I hear a lot about in the human rights circles in which I run. People involved in work that questions their goverments suddenly, without a word, disappear. Someone in a white van drags them away and that’s it.Never seen again.
The NYTimes did a follow-up piece on Philip and part of the article talked about another blogger who was also disappeared the same week as Phil. But this was a poor kid who lived in a rundown part of Cairo. Unlike Phil he had no contacts in the government, no education, no strings to pull. There will be no worldwide protest for this young man. The president of Wheaton College won’t be writing to the ambassador on his behalf.
It’s a frightening thing to think about how fragile life is, especially when no one is peering over the shoulders of oppresive governments to be sure it’s protected. I will be praying a lot more for all the people who have been disappeared for working on behalf of those even more troubled than themselves. Even though the world isn’t crying out for their release, each one is someone’s mother, father, daughter, son or friend.
Free Philip Rizk Protest at the Egypt Embassy, Washington DC
Monday, February 9, 2009
11:30 am Van Ness-UDC Metro/ 12 noon and later outside the Egypt Embassy
3521 International Ct. Nw Washington DC 20008
http://www.egyptembassy.net/
Monday, February 9, 2009
11:30 am Van Ness-UDC Metro/ 12 noon and later outside the Egypt Embassy
3521 International Ct. Nw Washington DC 20008
http://www.egyptembassy.net/
Please bring a sign and remember to honor Philip’s spirit to approach this event with non-violence in spoken word, written word and deed.
**Phil has not been released as of 8:30 am EST so we will continue with our action at the Embassy. The protest has been cleared with Homeland Security, although our numbers are subject to their liking as we are too late to file a permit. We may be dispersed but that’s all. Please join us and pass this along to friends.**
Please pass this on to friends in the DC Metro area. You can contact me at melissa.florerbixler@gmail.com.
Article about Philip:
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A German-Egyptian activist has been detained north of Cairo during a rally in support of Palestinians in Gaza. Philip Rizk has been an outspoken activist on Palestinian issues and lived in Gaza for two years. He previously worked on aid projects with Canon Andrew White, special envoy to the Middle East for the Archbishop of Canterbury. Eyewitnesses said he was bundled into a white van with no licence plates, which then sped off. The German embassy has been informed of his detention and is trying to locate him. His family say they have been tipped off that he is now being held by Egyptian secret police at an undisclosed location. Over the weekend a delegation of lawyers and activists filed charges with the public prosecutor’s office, relating to his kidnapping by three state security officers. Mr Rizk writes a popular blog, “Tabula Gaza”, and has just completed a short documentary about non-violent protest against Israeli operations in the Gaza Strip. It is not known why he would be of special interest, though in past weeks a number of bloggers and activists from the Muslim Brotherhood – who campaigned for the re-opening of the Rafah crossing between Egypt and Gaza – have been formally charged with “forming a criminal group belonging to Hamas”. |
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I’m hiding out at our local Manassas coffee shop. Hiding out from whom, you may wonder?
From my crabby, fussy, angry, upset, only-will-sleep-for-daddy baby.
Sigh.
One of the most difficult things about parenting is feeling helpless as your child squirms and fusses in your arms. What could it be, you wonder? So we go through the litany: acetametaphine for teething, then we change the diaper, then we try to nurse, then it’s time to be distracted by new toys, we walk around, we practice “crawling” on our belly, we try nursing again, we get held over the toilet and poop, we have our tummy rubbed in case it’s gas, we look in the mirror, we get swaddled, we try to rock, we go back in the bed, we try to play on our own, we try eating from the bottle, we try playing with newspaper. Then the questioning begins. Was it something I ate? Is she sick? Is she hurt? Is there a metal spike sticking into this onesie? Was it something I said?
By now mommy is exhausted. So she hands baby to papa and instantly Scout leans back and falls asleep. Mama shakes fists at sky and let’s out guttural roar as she falls to her knees.
Okay, so maybe it isn’t the dramatic. But it does kind of, well, suck. Being the one who is not the Baby Whisperer in your family sucks. Jacob is the one who is amazing at taming our wild beast. It helps that he has an infinite storehouse of patience and that he can walk around with our almost 17 pounder for half an hour without being winded. For me, getting away for a little bit is what I long for. When J is alone with the baby I feel bad but he always says, “why? I LOVE being with her.”
It’s not that I don’t love being with Scout. But I feel exhausted by the end of the day and there are two of us around all the time (four of us at night) to keep her happy! This week I started to feel terrified about J going back to work full time – both for Scout and for me. Would the baby simply not sleep during the day? Would Jacob come home to find Scout sitting atop my passed out body, laughing wildly as she shredded newspaper over my lifeless form?
So I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m the one who needs to look for a job. I was going to try to stay out of full time work/not from home work until T-bop was at least a year old, strictly for breastfeeding purposes. We said we’d reevaluate in Sept. But the economy-depressed job market has been hard on J’s job prospects whereas I’ve found countless well-paying jobs for which I am qualified. I’ve also felt what is usually attributed to fathers – an intense need to provide for my family.
But do I REALLY want this? Am I going to get through one day of work and have a nervous break down? Will I spend my miserable commute to and from work in tears? The other side of me says, why would J deserve to be put in that position any more than me? It’s a dilemma, all right. I’ve decided to apply for some jobs and see where things go. Ultimately the decision will be made for us.
