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This week we interviewed and hired our doula, Carissa. For those who are unfamiliar, a doula is a support person who assists a family through the labor and delivery process.
You may be wondering, why do you need a doula if you have a really amazing and supportive husband who also happens to be tall and gorgeous and named Jake? Unlike us, the doula has actually been present at births before – lots of births. Our doula is just starting out but has 9 births under her belt and 2 birth experiences of her own. While we expect to have very little idea about what is going on, what’s normal and how to make important decision, Carissa will know. She can also assist with different laboring positions, massage and to provide space if we need to make a decision about a complication.
Doulas also provide some consistency in the crazy HMO world. Chances are good that I will never have met the midwife on-call when its time to go to the hospital. That midwife and the nurses might have to switch shifts half way through my labor. The only professional who will be there, from start of labor to birth, is Carissa. I just give her a call and within 2 hours, she is at my side. She’ll come to our house, help us transition to the hospital and will be around to support us throughout labor.
Doulas to not give and are not trained to provide medical advice. They will work to support you and your birth plan. Yet, their presence has a remarkable impact on the way women labor and their outcomes.
- 50% reduction in the cesarean rate
- 25% shorter labor
- 60% reduction in epidural requests
- 40% reduction in oxytocin use
- 30% reduction in analgesia use
- 40% reduction in forceps delivery
For someone with doctor-phobia the mental benefits of having a doula on hand, someone who can help get us through the difficult parts of labor, assist with pain-coping techniques and guide Jacob to be the best birth partner he can be is invaluable. Carissa is also available for a phone call 24 hours a day from now until 6 weeks postpartum. And she will go to prenatal appointments with me. We also get her for one postpartum visit.
If you’re looking for a doula, make sure she is certified by DONA International. They can also provide you with a list of doulas in your area (which is how we found Carissa).
This past week I started to read the new book of essays edited by Brian Brock and John Swinton called Theology, Disability and the New Genetics. It’s a great volume with a wide variety of perspectives on the theology of disability. The authors are a man with a disability, a theologian whose son has Down Syndrome, a pastoral counselor, a special counsel to the Dutch embassy and several doctors. And Amy Laura Hall. Of course.
One of the most interesting chapters was called Aren’t We all Eugenicists Anyway? written by Mary Mahowald who is emerita professor of obstetrics at U of Chi. Her essay is about the different ways we attempt to control and channel our children and whether every instance of eugenics is bad. We all know bad eugenics – when Nazi’s attempted to create a perfect race by eradicating those they considered “less desirable,” the Jews. But eugenics, which simply means “good generation” happens all the time in much more socially accepted ways. The abortion of the disabled is one very obvious way eugenics is exhibited in our country. And with the rate of babies aborted with Down Syndrome at 90%, I would say very acceptable.
But what about prenatal vitamins, avoidance of certain foods and alcohol? These things are done so that we will have a “healthy child” instead of a “child with a disability” such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, mercury poisoning or spina bifida. We make judgments about the kind of children we want by avoiding these outcomes. Then there are the ways we aim for positive outcomes. Baby Einstein “in the womb” educational tapes are all over the place. You can even attempt early language skills in utero. My eugenics happens with fish oil. I started taking 4 g of fish oil a day after reading a study about the developmental benefits on baby brains discovered by Australian scientists. Hand-eye coordination improved, instances of ADD/ADHD were lower and early vocabulary increased.
I take fish oil (and plan to breastfeed for at least a year) because I think it will help our baby be smart and able to hit a T-ball with above-average accuracy. I am making my desire for this particular type of child known through my supplements. At the same time I would not be disappointed with a child who did have ADD or spina bifida. I also think there is something disturbing about trying to teach your child French cognates in the womb.
I am somewhat of an ethical contradiction on this matter and I’m hoping this book will help me to sort out some of the complications around these choices and help us to answer the question why do we choose as we do?
What does it mean to want a child without a particular struggle? God has put many people in our lives with Down Syndrome, FAS and CP that have wonderful, flourishing lives. We don’t doubt that while there would be difficulties for us in having a child with a disability (as if there were not with all children) that there would also be great joy and wonder. But do our actions speak something else? Are we betraying our unwillingness (subconscious perhaps) to welcome a child with a disability? Or is there something “irresponsible” about not doing your best to promote fetal health and to give your child the best opportunities? Is not taking these steps inviting unnecessary suffering on a child? And what constitutes “health” and “suffering,” necessary or otherwise?
Ultimately I wonder, how can we love and accept our disabled brothers and sisters without reservation while at the same time wishing they were not as they are by avoiding bringing others like them into the world?
I don’t have any firm answers to any of these questions. Maybe the answer is that you do your best (within reason) to prepare your child to be developmentally competent in the world. At the same time, you prepare yourself to welcome whatever gift the Lord presents.
“Within reason?” “Developmentally competent?” Doesn’t this sound wrong and strange to anyone else? If you have insight, do send it my way. Sometime soon I’ll share about the chapter by Hans Reinder which I just started. He will probably have something helpful to say. And I have a theology crush on him.
Time for the second trimester edition of “TTDTYAP” subtitled “Because you certainly would never have children if you knew.”
We’re rolling into week 24ish and discovering all sorts of new things.
1. Urinating blood may mean absolutely nothing. Of course it could mean bladder cancer or kidney stones. But if you’re me, it means that the baby is CRUSHING YOUR KIDNEYS. Yes, you heard that right. The pressure is so intense that kidneys can’t handle it. On the ultrasound emergency ultrasound at midnight my poor ks looked like little black pancakes. The good news is that, as your uterus moves up, the pressure will release off your lower organs. Then it starts to put pressure on your lungs so you can’t breathe. Awesome.
2. Babies are parasitic. Two things I learned, one from my nurse M-i-L and one from Kolmes, a biologist who stopped me in the hall yesterday to give me the scoop on a paper he wrote about prenatal environmental toxicology. Nurse Cindy told me that babies get the first round of food to hit your stomach. You get whatever is left over. I encourage you to use this to your advantage. “This cookie is for the babe. THIS cookie is for me.” Kolmes told me that if you don’t get enough calcium your vampire baby will simply suck it out of your bones. It was much more technical than that, but you get the drift.
3. Don’t touch anything that’s not made of sand, metal or wood. So Kolmes finds out I’m pregnant and the following conversation ensues:
“Do you use Teflon?”
“No, stainless steel.”
“Good. Have you thrown away your Nalgenes? Did you see the new BCP report?”
“Yes, I’ve been drinking out of a Mason jar. Plastic has always freaked me out.”
“Good. Watch out for baby bottles and formula lining too. Are you eating organic? Pesticides cause birth defects.”
“Yes, have for a long time.”
His advice was to avoid anything that didn’t directly fall from the creative hand of God. This may be impossible to do (have you seen how much organic mattresses cost!?) but we’re doing our best to avoid environmental factors that contribute to birth defect. You can read Kolmes’ full text in some upcoming edition of the Journal of Catholic Social Teaching (it’s currently under review). Or see the equally unnerving Having Faith by Sandra Steingraber.
4. Potentially the baby will kick you in the bladder. All the time.
5. Another fun avoidance of everyday things entry: it’s recommended you stand no less than 4 feet from a microwave that is microwaving.
6. As Lisa pointed out, ultrasound dates get less accurate as time goes on. But, with your first child, it’s better to plan on being pregnant a week longer than you expect. I’ve read that most first babies born to white women come at 41 weeks and 1 day. If you care about having an intervention-less childbirth, make sure you talk about this reality with your OB or midwife upfront. They recently tried to induce my friend Andi before she even hit 40 weeks. Sheesh. Our plan is to simply forget our Estimated Due Date (EDD). This is surprisingly easy to do. We just tell people, “sometime in August.”
I should really be writing my Christology midterm.
Instead I bring you a list of things they never tell you about pregnancy.
1) You are actually two more weeks pregnant than your “weeks pregnant.” So get this. The40 weeks of pregnancy are calculated not from the date of conception but from TWO WEEKS BEFORE. I was technically in week one of my pregnancy even before I ovulated. I’m not sure why you get two bonus weeks (you start counting from your last menstrual period) but there it is.
2) If this is your first pregnancy, chances are good you won’t actually look pregnant until after 4 months. I’m 4 months next week and don’t look even close to what I thought pregnant women looked like at 4 months. Maybe a little on the chubby side but I don’t anticipate the dreaded maternity clothes for another month.
3) There is so much more that you aren’t supposed to consume besides the stuff you know about (and which I long for every day as I long for the Messiah) like coffee and alcohol. Also on various lists I’ve come across: bacon, cold cuts, salami, ham, unpasteurized anything, seared fish, raw eggs (no cookie batter?!), Caesar salad, swordfish, green tea and lots of other teas and herbs that cause you to go into labor.
4 ) A really depressing one. While everyone is different, in the first trimester you really shouldn’t gain any weight (I gained 5 lbs between week 1 and week 13) because you don’t need to be eating any more than usual (the baby is the size of a kidney bean). In your second trimester you only need to eat 300 extra calories in order to help the baby grow. This roughly a HALF A TURKEY SANDWICH. That’s it! In your third trimester you only get to eat an extra 600 calories, one sandwich. So much for eating for two.
I feel like I was supposed to receive some pregnant woman confidentiality agreement in the mail saying I will never tell the secrets of childbearing. Seriously, am I the only one who had no idea about these things?
Above is a picture of what baby Flo-Bix generally looks like today, weighing in at roughly the size of an apple.
