I’m just starting to feel like a human being again. While I love going to Iowa to visit the rowdy Florer clan, its the getting there and back that takes its toll. High intensity kids don’t do well in closed spaces where there are restrictions as to when and where you can move. As if I needed any further reminder of how wild my child actually is, this time I had something to compare her to. I had lots of examples on this trip of children who seemed much more in control of their little selves.
Comparison 1: Plane Ride
Child X: 19 months old. Sits in an open seat next to her dad while her mom nurses her infant brother across the row. Her dad WATCHES A MOVIE on his IPhone the ENTIRE FLIGHT. I am not making this up. Child X plays with no toys. She simply sings songs to herself, plays with the tray in front of her and occasionally talks to her dad. Who ignores her. Because he’s WATCHING A MOVIE. Eventually she eats a snack and goes to sleep.
Child Y: Fortunately nurses on the ascent but shoots out of her seat at the ding of the “you may get out of your seat” bell. Walks the length of the plane approximately 20 times. Finds the bathroom. Talks to self in mirror. Pulls out toilet paper. Flushes toilet 10 times. Walks up and down 20 more times. Knocks on bathroom door, now occupied, and cries hysterically when mama says we can’t go in there. Goes through every book. Rips apart the in-flight magazine, handing each piece to the rather large man squeezed into the adjacent seat trying to play Sudoku. Unbuckles mamas seat belt. Tried to unbuckle Large Man’s seat belt. Is angry when prevented from doing this. Eats biscotti. Crumbles biscotti all over mama and Large Man. Now overtired and angry, cries at the top of lungs for the final 20 minutes of the plane ride. Large Man attempts to strangle self with seat belt.
Comparison 2: h1N1 clinic
Child X: Over the course of 3 hours wait, Child X sits in her stroller for TWO HOURS. She looks at books but mostly looks around and eats her snack. Eventually she gets out and walks around. She then falls asleep on her dad’s shoulder, gets her shot and goes home.
Child Y: Walks through mud puddles and in and out of line looking at all the kids. Dad goes to get stroller and walks baby around for half an hour. Baby pulls out all of her books. Takes books from Baby X. Eats snack. Attempts to eat Baby X’s snack. Walks around. Runs around. Is spun in a circle by dad. Walks outside. Refuses dad’s attempt to get her to sleep. Pushes around her stroller. Attempts to push Baby X’s stroller (Baby X is wondering, “who is this crazy person?”). Massively defecates in her diaper which results in mama to leaving her cell phone in the bathroom. Gets shot and exhausted family goes home.
Welcome to my life.